Monday, March 31, 2008

Listen, be still, think. but most of all: listen

i think i'm becoming more and more like my parents. ever since jeff moved out, i've been getting slowly, but surely, closer to my mom. not in a big way or anything, but just in the she-my-companion-since-the-house-has-gotten-emptier type of thing. she actually really opened up about a big part of her life- her family- a couple weeks ago. we just sat and talked for like 45mins. I'm starting to understand more about how and why my parents decided to raise me the way they did. how they grew up and how it affect how they're going to let me grow up. i've been realizing that i still have a lot of maturing to do. it's alot cooler when mom and i can feel like friends.
that being said, it feels like dad is hardly even a part of this family anymore. he's hardly ever at home and when he is, half the time he's talking about the things that annoyed him about work and what he still has to do at work. I think he's either gotten over the most stressful part of the year or else he's just getting used to it because he has been a little less crabby all the time lately. But that couple of months when he was just non-stop grumpy were ugly. i went back and forth from bitter to not even caring that he was even a part of our family. But the entire time mom and i had an unspoken agreement that neither of us would try to confront him because we both know it would just add to his stress. as i said, he's been getting a bit better the past couple months, so i am thankful. for those out there praying, please keep him in your prayers. I know God hears our voices.
sometimes taking a step back and just thinking, instead of reacting all the time, is good for perspective. i wish i was more patient and thoughtful in a lot of situations. i think God keeps on challenging me with the story of Mary and Martha. I love doing. But i know i also love the times of just listening and thinking. I know God's voice is out there, even if i somehow think i don't have the time to sit and listen. its like that song Robyn sung in Mexico. I need to be still and quiet.

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