Tuesday, July 17, 2007

too much thinking about the future....

grrrr. i want to much in my future.
what am i going to do?
i want to go back to mexico for a year, i want to go to briercrest, i want to join habitat for humanity, i want to be involved with ywam. I mean, look at this article from ywam's website:

God on the move in Madurai YWAM Madurai, India team reaches 1500 slum children
Standing room only at YWAM Vacation Bible Schools
The slums of Madurai, South India, have not been forgotten by God. A team of YWAMers in this Tamil city of one million is making sure that slum residents know they haven’t been forgotten by Christians either.
YWAM Madurai recently completed a month-long outreach running Vacation Bible Schools, where they ministered to over 1500 children in five different slums. All told, some 32 YWAMers worked together to run these schools, as outreach teams from a DTS in Orlando and an arts team from Pune also joined the effort.
God was on the move during the four-week run of Bible classes. Here’s a report sent to the International Communications Network from Mark Kannan, YWAM Madurai director.
Testimonies of God on the Move
In Komespalayam slum, some people looked at our VBS materials and were very upset that we had come to share about our relationship with Jesus. They tried to stop us from conducting the classes. But by God’s grace, many slum residents stood with us and helped us with the classes, which defused the tension. Praise God for the local people who supported us.
Meet Lakshmi. She is a 13-year-old Hindu girl. She wanted to come to the VBS but her father told her in no uncertain terms that he would not allow her to attend. He also threatened her by telling her that if she attended the classes the local gods would take revenge on the slum residents. Lakshmi prayed that God would change her father’s mind and he would allow her to attend the VBS. On the first day of class her father suddenly changed his mind and allowed her to go. Lakshmi was elated and learned that if she believed and prayed, Jesus will answer her prayers. She learned this lesson from the class too.
Meet Malar. Before attending VBS, she never listened to her parents before attending VBS. Instead, she spent lots of time watching television and engaging in destructive behavior. During VBS she learned to have faith in God and made the decision that she would listen to her parents. She also decided to curb her excessive television watching.
Meet Prabu, 17. Like most teenagers his age, he frequently made bad choices and did destructive things. During our classes, Prabu learned about spiritual warfare. From that teaching he came to realize that the Kingdom of Darkness works against him and wants him to actively engage in destructive behavior. Prabu made a decision to walk in the Kingdom of light, and he’s a completely different person now.
Many children testified to the great change they experienced during the weeks of class; many of the 1500 said they learned to have friendship with Jesus and faith in God, and learned how to share their problems with the Lord. Another miracle was in the area of weather. Summer here in South India is very hot, a real distraction for teachers and students. We prayed for rain and good weather. God answered our prayer. We had rain, but it was never a hindrance to our classes, and didn’t disrupt our final program.

I want to go to India and i want to travel the world. i want to be a missionary
But i also want a normaler life too. I want to get married and have kids and maybe have an actual career.
I want to do everything and it feels like i'm just getting in the way of myself.
i know that all of this probably sounds selfish to God and i should just trust that he will use me where he wants me, but i can't help but want to follow my own plan and i'm scared that God will let me down and somehow his plans won't be as big for my life as i want them to be. I know that sounds selfish and really like i'm not trusting God.
Philippians 4:6-7 Don't be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peae of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Father, help me be patient and always keep my ears open to your calling. i want to listen and lead i life of value. God, you know my hearts desires and you know that i desire a life to the full. You give life and you give life to the full. I want that. i want to travel and i want to work as a missionary. You know that. god, i pray that in my future i would not turn from you. even if this is stuff that i want to do, i pray that you God would be the one in control of my future and i would learn to honor you whereever i am placed, whether i am where i want to be or not. Through all hardships, i pray that i could honor you. Even if i never get to go to india, please God, let me be at peace with you and know that you have plans far better than mine. you said you have plans for me. Plans to give me a future and a hope. Help me learn to trust in your promises. you are good and you are faithful in your promises. God i love you.

1 comment:

katelynn said...

erin, i seem to have the opposite problem as you...i have NO IDEA what i want to do with my life!