Thursday, November 23, 2006
might as well say it.
okay last friday at rac8ball, i blew it. i mean i totally blew it. I was having a really crappy week and i just felt stressed and streched in every direction until i couldn't handle it. the day before, thursday, i was playing a league game against this guy that there is no way i shoud loose to him, but i did. i sucked and i didn't care, but at the same time i cared enough to get angry at the fact that i didn't care. right after the last point when he won, i ran upstairs to the bathroom and cried and kicked the wall. i locked myself up in a bathroom stall and cried for ten minutes straight. (thank goodness no one else came into the bathroom.) i took my time changing and i was in a really foul mood. i phoned home to see if my mom could pick me up but she got angry cause i was supposed to be ready to have a shower at the club. i hang up on her. it was the first time i've ever hung up on my mom. my dad was still playing so i curled up on one of the couches and sat in my misery. the guy that i had just played came over and he was like, " are you okay?" i shook my head cause i didn't really want to verbalize how i felt. he said, "erin, you gotta let it go, it was just a game." i didn't want to look at him, cause i knew he was right but i was just so frusterated with my week. we went home and i went straight to bed. i didn't want to talk to my mom. the next morning i had a little spat with mymom again and i had choir at 7:30. i got there at 7:45. i was still tired and frusterated. my friends asked me if i was okay cause i wasn't really talking. i shook my head. i was not okay. the day went by and my one annoying friend nick kept on calling me emo. i kinda yelled at him and some of my other friends were like, "erin, whats gotten into you." that night, i went to rac8ball lessons and i lost again to another person i definately shouldn't have. it was 12-5 and i swore and slammed my eyeguards on the ground. they broke in two. my coach looked worried. i walked past him and just said, "i can't handle this." i found a litttle courner in the squash court and started crying and swearing and praying. after about 15 minutes, i got back up, went on to a court and started hitting the ball as hard as i could. i reached my breaking point. and n0w my eyeguards are broken. my dad doesn't know but when he finds out there's going to be hell to pay. i'm so scared.