Thursday, November 23, 2006

might as well say it.

okay last friday at rac8ball, i blew it. i mean i totally blew it. I was having a really crappy week and i just felt stressed and streched in every direction until i couldn't handle it. the day before, thursday, i was playing a league game against this guy that there is no way i shoud loose to him, but i did. i sucked and i didn't care, but at the same time i cared enough to get angry at the fact that i didn't care. right after the last point when he won, i ran upstairs to the bathroom and cried and kicked the wall. i locked myself up in a bathroom stall and cried for ten minutes straight. (thank goodness no one else came into the bathroom.) i took my time changing and i was in a really foul mood. i phoned home to see if my mom could pick me up but she got angry cause i was supposed to be ready to have a shower at the club. i hang up on her. it was the first time i've ever hung up on my mom. my dad was still playing so i curled up on one of the couches and sat in my misery. the guy that i had just played came over and he was like, " are you okay?" i shook my head cause i didn't really want to verbalize how i felt. he said, "erin, you gotta let it go, it was just a game." i didn't want to look at him, cause i knew he was right but i was just so frusterated with my week. we went home and i went straight to bed. i didn't want to talk to my mom. the next morning i had a little spat with mymom again and i had choir at 7:30. i got there at 7:45. i was still tired and frusterated. my friends asked me if i was okay cause i wasn't really talking. i shook my head. i was not okay. the day went by and my one annoying friend nick kept on calling me emo. i kinda yelled at him and some of my other friends were like, "erin, whats gotten into you." that night, i went to rac8ball lessons and i lost again to another person i definately shouldn't have. it was 12-5 and i swore and slammed my eyeguards on the ground. they broke in two. my coach looked worried. i walked past him and just said, "i can't handle this." i found a litttle courner in the squash court and started crying and swearing and praying. after about 15 minutes, i got back up, went on to a court and started hitting the ball as hard as i could. i reached my breaking point. and n0w my eyeguards are broken. my dad doesn't know but when he finds out there's going to be hell to pay. i'm so scared.

4 comments:

Lynette said...

i'm sorry things are tough right now. (((hugs)))

erin said...

thanx for being there lynette

katelynn said...

enji....i love you.

erin said...

no offence to nick if he reads this....








(but you can be annoying sometimes.)