I'm lonely and the world is doing everything to pull me in. I can feel the constant battle of the world against my integrity. The little voice in the back of my mind telling me there's more. That i can go deeper. That I can do more to honor him. That my actions can portray this voice of truth if i lose my pride and simply learn to live in faith.
This voice of truth always seems to be waging a war against a small, constnt voice of jealousy. Jealousy of those who get cell phones, get to go to Egypt, get to stay out until 4 in the morning, get to buy clothes life its nothing. Because I'm human, I can't help it. I am jealous. And i try to convince myself that there is no need for this jealousy I try to convince myself in the truth that Jesus Christ is all I need. I do believe in this truth. But the war going on inside of me pulls at this weakeness and struggles to convince me that i have a right to be jealous.
There is only one solution, one repriece from the jealousy. I take a look at the cross and sit in wonder at a selflessness i could never know. I remember all that was given up to come to earth the way he did, live the life he did, and die the way he did. I remember his promise that he did it for me and although the battle being waged in my mind will not simply end, I am convinced once again that Jesus Christ is all i truly need.