Friday, January 11, 2008

War raging inside of me

I'm lonely and the world is doing everything to pull me in. I can feel the constant battle of the world against my integrity. The little voice in the back of my mind telling me there's more. That i can go deeper. That I can do more to honor him. That my actions can portray this voice of truth if i lose my pride and simply learn to live in faith.
This voice of truth always seems to be waging a war against a small, constnt voice of jealousy. Jealousy of those who get cell phones, get to go to Egypt, get to stay out until 4 in the morning, get to buy clothes life its nothing. Because I'm human, I can't help it. I am jealous. And i try to convince myself that there is no need for this jealousy I try to convince myself in the truth that Jesus Christ is all I need. I do believe in this truth. But the war going on inside of me pulls at this weakeness and struggles to convince me that i have a right to be jealous.
There is only one solution, one repriece from the jealousy. I take a look at the cross and sit in wonder at a selflessness i could never know. I remember all that was given up to come to earth the way he did, live the life he did, and die the way he did. I remember his promise that he did it for me and although the battle being waged in my mind will not simply end, I am convinced once again that Jesus Christ is all i truly need.

3 comments:

Paul said...

hey Erin feel blessed because you don;t have those things remember it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than it is for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven.I alwaus try to remeber that no matter what I have on earth it won't matter in heaven ceelphones and time will no longer have effect and I'm sure you can look done on egypt, or go there in the future, from heaven.I know it's hard but we are human and I think in a way you are being hard on yourself.but also remember I love you no matter what you are wearing what you look like or what gadget you have but it's because i love you heart and the amazing woman of God that He is making you into. SO the short I think it's normal to feel these things but we must pray about them and remember that God is so much better and then like in James 4:7 sin will flee from us!!!!!!!!!!! but yeah that's all very random and I hope it makes sense

gracie said...

heyy babe im so proud of u for actually admidting this kind of stuff you an amazing girl and i always look up to you. ill be praying for u..

Paul said...

I think you should post something new,,,,,,,,,!!!!!